Monthly Archives: May 2011

You Want Me to Do WHAT?

When you work at a place named after a large, prehistoric, and rather fluffy animal, you probably assume that you will not have the typical office experience. When it’s a theatre known for “defying convention” and the theme of the season is “A Striptease of Your Subconscious” you can definitely assume that some of the experiences you will have are ones that you wouldn’t have in most workplaces. And largely, you are right. You can wear jeans. You can say “fuck” (and many do, on a regular basis!). You can have a beer or two in the kitchen with your coworkers…though try and do it at a reasonable hour. All of these things I figured out pretty quickly when I started at Woolly almost a year ago. Still, there were the surprises, and since my time at Woolly is drawing to a close and we are preparing for my last show here, Bootycandy, I’m going to take you all on a trip down memory lane. So here you go, a list of some of the most ridiculous things I’ve been asked to do as the Marketing and Communications Assistant here at Woolly Mammoth Theatre Company. Well, the ones they’d let me put in writing, anyway. YOU’RE WELCOME, WORLD.

“Hey Katie, there’s a vibrator downstairs. Go find it and bring me photos.”

Alright. So most of you know that the opening show this season was IN THE NEXT ROOM or the vibrator play, so this first one probably isn’t that shocking. However, please keep in mind that this is one of the first things I was ever asked to do at Woolly. Not “hey lady, can you grab me some coffee?” or “I need you to fax this.” GO STALK A VIBRATOR AND TAKE PHOTOS. Oh, and I believe the phrase “be sure you get some really good angles” was used. There is a lot of specific and scientific thinking about vibrators to understand what a “good angle” for a vibrator shot is, and I’d like you to imagine a small, innocent, bright-eyed Katie trying to figure that one out in her first week. And enjoy.

Oh well. At least I didn’t have to do what Max did.

“Why don’t we get Katie to dress up like a child pageant star and wander around the streets of DC?”

This one didn’t actually happen. However, it was thrown out as a possibility during a grassroots marketing brainstorm for House of Gold, and let me explain to you how these types of ideas are presented. At Woolly are you not ASKED to do these things. You are told, “Prepare yourself, this might happen.” Probably for the best, I did not end up putting on that frilly pink dress that those of you who saw the show are familiar with, but it was a very real possibility for a while. And that is terrifying.

“Sorry, I had to go throw fake Jell-o spleens.”

That is a direct quote from a G-chat that I was having with a friend one day. And not only did I have to go throw fake Jell-o spleens, I had to make them. Do you know how to make fake Jell-o spleens? Let’s just say it involves melted gummy worms, ruined spoons, and a specific smell in the office kitchen afterwards. However, I did it for our holiday video (which if you haven’t seen, you need to check out here. Watch it. Otherwise my efforts and our Business Manager allowing us to throw fake Jell-o spleens at her head for about 15 takes so Max could get “the right look” was for naught.

“Alright, I order everyone to send Katie ‘your mom’ jokes.”

That was a direct order from Jeff Herrmann, our Managing Director at an ALL STAFF MEETING. That’s right. This was part of a Social Media campaign that I came up with for Oedipus el Rey which entailed tweeting “your mom” jokes in a contest to win tickets to the show. This started out as a joke I made when we were brainstorming one day, but like many of the jokes I make, it became a real Marketing plan that I was asked to put together. And so I did. I put together a social media marketing strategy plan based on “your mom” jokes.

“Katie, I need you to find a way for us to make customized condoms. Also, I want butt lollipops.”

Have you ever googled “butt lollipop?” Don’t. Just ask me where to find them. Seriously.

“Katie, just be sure you don’t get arrested. Actually…can you get arrested?”

No, I did not actually get arrested, nor did I try to. However, I did have a ton of fun walking around with Brooke Miller, our Press and Digital Content Manager and Woolly friend Seena Hodges and asking people on U Street what they thought “Bootycandy” was. If you don’t know what I’m talking about you obviously aren’t following our Facebook  and need to check out this hilarious series of videos here. Shamless self promotion WHAT UP.

Thanks for coming along on my little journey everyone. Yes, there are tons more things I could tell you, but I think a little mystery is good in a relationship so we will leave it at that. However, I will tell you that working at Woolly has been unlike anything I have ever experienced before, and will probably be unlike anything I will ever experience again. The family here at Woolly is so unique and so strong, and I will be very sad when my time is done.

But don’t worry. I still have a little over a month, so it’s still possible they’ll get me arrested.

~ Katie Boyles, Marketing and Communications Assistant

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Filed under Bootycandy, House of Gold, In the Next Room or the vibrator play, Marketing

Race and Humor, Is it Ok to Laugh?

I am really excited for the premiere of Bootycandy, Robert O’Hara’s look at sexuality and labels, opening at Woolly this month. Mostly because it’s really funny—hilarious in fact. But also because I’m curious to see how the audience handles the explosive and provocative way Robert uses language, sex, and identity to tell his tale. Washington is a town where an insensitive word about another’s identity or sexual orientation is seldom spoken out loud. But, in Bootycandy, it almost seems like Robert strings all those words together and blasts them through a megaphone. So I’m curious, will people be able to laugh freely at what is set in front of them or will they look sheepishly around the room wondering if it’s OK? Will the scenes in this black, gay, play have their intended effect? Anyway, I thought about other times when language and racial humor were used by artists and the varying effects that followed.

In 2000, Spike Lee released the film Bamboozled. Already known for his independent spirit, Lee pushed even further with this film. In the film, Harvard educated television executive Pierre Delacroix compiles all the most egregious stereotypes of blacks into a minstrel show, complete with black actors in blackface, for the contemporary audience. His plan is to pitch a show that is so controversial and blatantly racist that he gets fired and released from his ironclad contract. Here, Lee uses a plot twist from Mel Brooks’ The Producers where, instead of failing, the show becomes a huge success. At one point, fans of the show (blacks, whites, Asians, Hispanics, etc.) begin attending screenings in blackface. Lee is clearly attempting to satirize the state of Hollywood for blacks in entertainment and their need to “sell their souls” to be successful. He even begins the film with the lead character reading the definition of “satire.” Critics of the film, however, fault Lee with using racial imagery that overpowers and nullifies the satiric elements. In layman’s terms, he “goes too far.” What I find terribly interesting is that although the film was a critical and commercial dud, grossing roughly two million dollars domestically, it presaged a cable show that mined similar racial humor to unprecedented success.

Three short years after Bamboozled, Washington, DC native Dave Chappelle debuted his eponymous sketch comedy show on Comedy Central. Although Chappelle’s Show parodied political and popular culture as well, it was most identified for its racial comedy. No less controversial than Bamboozled, Chappelle’s skits became the subject of lunchtime conversations all over America. In one, a news reporter interviews a renowned author on white supremacy and leader in the Aryan Nation who was born blind. The interview is laden with all the worst expletives and racial epithets as the subject recounts his hatred for all non-whites. The twist here is that, since he was born blind, he doesn’t realize that he himself is black. The author’s tirades, epithets and all, were retold over and over by fans of the show bringing controversial language out into the open. In another skit, a parody of MTV’s Real World, the audience watches as eight strangers live together, “stop being polite… and start getting real.” In this case, seven black strangers share the house with a sole white roommate. The black characters were lazy, pot-smoking, promiscuous criminals. Not an ideal image.

Dave Chappelle has said, after walking out on the show and his $50 million contract, that some of the sketches made him feel “socially irresponsible.” He spoke of one sketch in particular that featured a pixie (played by Dave) that appeared in blackface. While taping the sketch, crew members laughed in a way that did not sit well with Chappelle. “I know the difference of people laughing with me and people laughing at me” he said later. This, apparently, greatly influenced his decision to leave. Specifically, he said “I don’t want black people to be disappointed in me for putting that out there…it’s a complete moral dilemma.”

Perhaps blackface is the line no one should cross? Luckily, there is none in Bootycandy. In fact, O’Hara’s play fits more closely with those of Tyler Perry. Perry uses familiar racial humor in his works as well. His plays and films are targeted to black, Christian women but his stories are not softened. In fact, his stories usually revolve around black women being mistreated, abused, or abandoned by a black man. Add to that an overweight, sassy black woman that reminds most of Mammy and a few other caricatures of black life and you have the typical Perry film. Not the most inspiring role models. Perhaps the difference is while Lee and Chappelle used racial humor to make political or social commentary, Perry uses it to talk about “God, love, faith, forgiveness, family.” His characters always seem to find the right path in the end. It’s a well-worn formula but one that has allowed Perry to achieve monumental success. In the four years leading to 2009, Perry had five movies open in the number one spot, a record unmatched by even the top Hollywood directors. Tyler Perry, identified by Forbes as the sixth highest paid man inHollywood, is still taken to task for his portrayals. Spike Lee is quoted comparing Perry’s work to “coonery and buffoonery” to which Perry replied “Spike can go straight to hell.” The debate continues.

So my question remains, will you feel it’s OK to laugh? I guess I’ll have to wait until the 30th to have an answer. To help you answer the question for yourself, I leave you with this. We’ve all heard the expression “dance as if no one is watching” – great advice for the rhythmically challenged. When it comes to Bootycandy, I would alter that advice slightly. I encourage the Woolly audience to laugh as if no one is watching.

~ Step Armah, Claque Member

The Claque is a community of highly engaged Woolly audience members working to advance the theatre’s mission through its connectivity initiatives. Interested in joining up? Send an e-mail to claque@woollymammoth.net.

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What Our Audience Had to Say: Mini-Survey Results

For the past two productions this year, Woolly’s engaged in some evaluative dialogue with its community as part of two separate but linked processes. The first, and more intensive, is the Intrinsic Impact project commissioned from WolfBrown by Theatre Bay Area. Woolly is one of 18 theatres across the country participating in this study, seeking to measure and understand the impact or effect of live performance on the people who watch it (the intellectual, spiritual, emotional, and social impacts). Results will be available come summer.

The second, more compact, is through Woolly’s work in the EMCArts Innovation Lab evolving our thinking of the new area “Connectivity.” This “Audience Mini-Survey” correlates with its bigger sibling, the Intrinsic Impact Survey, but is being used to explore the impact of the performance depending on the composition of the audience. (See we are experimenting with “audience design”—an approach to cultivating new audiences linked to the artistic design of the show that acknowledges that who is in the house is equally important to the success of the production in performance as the lights or sound.)

Woolly invited six audiences for both Oedipus el Rey and The Agony and the Ecstasy of Steve Jobs to complete the survey. The questions were identical save an addition we made with Steve Jobs: we learned after Oedipus el Rey that we wanted to know if the responder was a single ticket buyer (STB) or subscriber (SUBS) and how long they had been a part of the Woolly community.

We asked to rate on a sale of 1 – 5:

1. Overall how strong was your emotional response to the performance?

2. How much did you feel a sense of connection to others in the audience?

3. Are any of the scenes or lines from the performance still bouncing around in your head?

4. Was the audience filled with a cross-section of different people?

Then we asked:

5. Circle the phrase that most closely describes the relationship between the audience and the art and artists at this performance: distanced investigation; explosive engagement; passive observation; direct confrontation; standard interaction.

6. After answering the above, if there is an additional word or phrase that even more accurately describes your perception of this relationship, please write it here:…..

We are still sifting through the Audience Mini-Survey responses in house and will be comparing these first two shows’ surveys with the ones we receive from Bootycandy. But we wanted to share a few findings with you.

  • 453 people completed the Oedipus el Rey mini-survey (42% response rate); 564 for Steve Jobs (38% response rate). Steve Jobs responses came 67% from STB and 23% from SUBS. Something to note: we surveyed Saturday matinees which are lightly subscribed shows, but where we are experimenting with designed audiences, so we believe this explains the lower SUBS percentage. 40% of STB responders identified as having been with the Woolly community for 0 years (!) while over 50% of SUBS have been with Woolly 1 – 4 years.
  • Respondents gave overall a slightly higher rating of their emotional response to Steve Jobs than Oedipus (4.5 and 4 respectively on a 1 – 5 scale) and about the same for lines bouncing around in the head after the show.
  • For Oedipus, in which our audience design efforts yielded more observable racially diverse audience composition, respondents overall gave a higher rating (3.5 for Oedipus, and 2.9 for Steve Jobs).
  • How would audiences describe Oedipus el Rey? They were torn. 27% noted “explosive engagement” was how they would describe the relationship between the audience and the art and artists and 26% noted “direct confrontation.”  For Steve Jobs: 51% said “explosive engagement.”
  • Additional words to describe audience relationship prompted many responses.  A nibble from both shows:
    • Oedipus el Rey included: cautious engagement; magnetic engagement; fascinated engagement; immersion; I think people were very interested and paying attention, absorbed in the play; so close, uncomfortable in a good way; penetrating; that shit was powerful; been there; culture conflict and religious threat.
    • Steve Jobs included: Mind-blowing, powerful, direct; Induced shame; a new form of journalism/anthropology in theatre form; passionately familial; pulled in with comedy; “What’s with all the screaming?”; empathetic agreement; art = revolution; insidious humor (and that is a compliment)

And this is just a taste. You can find the result of the Oedipus surveys here and the Steve Jobs surveys here. We will be posting files of all the collected survey data after the close of Bootycandy and asking you to draw conclusions with us. (Internally, we are already wrestling with potential lessons to learn from this about everything from show selection to seating configurations.) If you want to learn or talk more about this, please don’t hesitate to contact me by phone or email.

Lest I close without saying so: THANK YOU! Your investment in Woolly and willingness to speak your truth about your experience at the theatre is humbling. I know I am personally thankful to be a part of such an exciting, connected community.

~ Rachel Grossman, Connectivity Director

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Coming Out

As most of you may know, Bootycandy is written by Robert O’Hara who is an openly gay playwright. The play has a number of themes that it focuses on, one of them being sexuality: it asks us the question of how do we talk about our sexuality and features numerous storylines related to being gay and coming out. Our Woolly Box Office Manager Timmy has agreed to share his personal story of coming out with us:

“So when did you come out?” is one of those seemingly innocuous questions that heterosexuals tend to ask gay people shortly after they meet. It’s one that’s been posed to me at several parties by a friend of a friend of a friend who is trying to be polite and keep conversation going. I don’t mind being asked, and I think it’s fantastic that this question has moved from taboo to a way to get to know someone. However, I can’t help but be frustrated by it. Beyond the subconscious hetero-normative belief that you either “are” or “aren’t” something, and ignoring the more offensive subtexts of sexuality being a trait that is decided upon; the question oversimplifies a process that takes years. As if the second I told someone, the finish line had been crossed. So while I may toss out the easy answer of “sophomore year of college,” the truth is much more complicated.

I have always been attracted to men. This is an undeniable fact about me. Nonetheless religious parents, societal pressures, and old fashioned bullying kept me from exploring those desires through adolescence. It wasn’t until my senior year of high school that I began to develop very close relationships with other guys and even the sexual experiences I had with them were justified as exploration. Crushes and curiosity does not a homosexual make. My most vivid memory of self-discovery happened during the fall of 2005. My best friend, Steve, had started dating some girl and one evening he ditched me to hang out with her. I sat in my dorm room crying; clueless as to why I was so upset that he didn’t come over to watch Desperate Housewives with me. (Seriously). That moment it hit me like a ton of bricks; I was in love with him. Finally admitting to myself what I had been denying for years was a relief and a burden. I knew there was no going back and that this was only the first step in a difficult maturity that lay ahead of me.

Two months later Steve and I ended up making out and for the first time I admitted to another person that I was gay. In an instant I had not only shared my secret, but had secured a boyfriend. This Dawson’s Creek-esque moment is the typical story I tell when people ask about my coming out experience. I generally eliminate what followed; the progression of telling friends, roommates, and then acquaintances. The romance is much more entertaining than the reception of others which ranged from lukewarm support to passive nonchalance. I feel incredibly lucky to have grown up in a society where being gay is a non-issue to my peers. Yet part of me wondered “…where’s my parade?” Culture had promised me fanfare and I was slightly disappointed.

All expectations were met a few months later when I told my parents. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. There was arguing, threatening, tears, and slamming doors. It was my first taste of disapproval and rejection. What I had feared all along was finally happening; something inherent within me was causing those around me pain. Being blessed with a relatively easy coming out process up until now, and then receiving negative response inspired a new outlook and plan of attack.

I switched into activist mode; trying to make my sexuality as public as possible. Changing “Interested In” on Facebook to “Men” was a huge step for me. Adding HRC stickers to my belongings, going to gay bars, and even starting a gay straight alliance on my campus were part of the reaction to my parent’s disappointment. I brought the topic up in every conversation and let each person know how much of a second-class citizen I was. Eventually my confrontational nature subsided when I remembered that I only associated with people who already agreed with me and that flying rainbow flags in ruralAmericato change minds sounded like a terrible idea.

You would think after this process it would all be over, but it wasn’t. I would run into high school friends at the grocery store and suddenly the question “are you seeing anyone?” got very complicated. After college there were decisions of whether or not to tell co-workers and employers. Every time I turned around there was someone else I had to let know. I began to think the process wouldn’t ever end. And in a way, it never will. Living in a society where a person is presumed heterosexual unless they say otherwise requires constant conversation. Luckily it no longer makes me apprehensive, and I enjoy engaging in dialogue about what it means to transition into living life authentically. Coming out is not a when or where and thankfully no longer a why; it’s a larger question about the journey a person takes to become themselves.

~ Timmy Metzner, Box Office Manager

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A Short Theatrical History of Bootycandy

During the run of Clybourne Park last year, we often asked our audiences if they were familiar with its inspiration: Lorraine Hansberry’s A Raisin in the Sun. Hansberry’s Broadway sensation launched a canon of African American family dramas that August Wilson prolifically expanded in the 1980s and 1990s. These hits unquestionably diversified the “Great White Way,” although they established a trope of generally hetero-normative, upwardly mobile black families grappling with the legacy of segregation.

But between the Broadway reigns of Hansberry and Wilson, two off-Broadway provocateurs at the Public Theater began a counterpoint to these mainstream family dramas. In 1975, Ntozake Shange shattered conventional characterizations of African American women with her play For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf. Shange structured her show as a collection of poetry and prose rather than a single narrative. Her characters voiced their experiences solo—without sharing the stage with husbands and children.

Shange’s celebrated hit was both an inspiration and a subject of satire in George C. Wolfe’s The Colored Museum, which appeared at the Public Theater in 1986. Wolfe assembled his series of scenes, speeches, and songs as exhibits in a “museum” of African American identity. Icons of both high and low black culture—including A Raisin in the Sun—were displayed, spoofed, celebrated, and subverted. Shange and Wolfe created new theatrical forms to fit their subject matter, expressing a spectrum of African American experiences so wide and varied that they couldn’t be contained in a single narrative.

Robert O’Hara’s Bootycandy responds to this tradition, creating a fresh series of satiric counterpoints to the mainstream black family drama. Robert’s interwoven short plays pounce on existing tropes of African American identity and add even more layers of complexity: gender identity, sexual orientation, interracial affairs, and even mental illness. The scenes themselves include a playwright character named Sutter, who may or may not be Robert’s alter ego. The play also includes scenes written by Sutter. Most significantly, Robert’s play takes breaks between these scenes to acknowledge its present reality: it is a play at Woolly Mammoth, being performed before an audience that may not be entirely comfortable with this material. Bootycandy confronts us with risqué language and politically incorrect characters that may alienate, offend, or confound the viewer.

The play’s meta-theatrical frame provides space for the actors to acknowledge the audience’s possible discomfort—and then entices us to continue. And it’s nearly impossible to turn away from this show no matter how scandalous we find it, because it’s so damn funny. Like the work of Shange and Wolfe, Bootycandy transcends our assumptions by placing them center-stage and then turning them upside down. Robert’s work responds to a complex tradition of African American theatre, and also ups the ante. Like all our favorite Woolly Mammoth plays, this is something we’ve never seen onstage before.

~ Miriam Weisfeld, Production Dramaturg & Woolly’s Director of Artistic Development

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Where is the Line Between Hate and Hate Crime?

When the news came out that Osama bin Laden had been killed, my brain was still floating in research for Robert O’Hara’s Bootycandy – specifically, research on anti-gay activism and hate crimes. So, perhaps it was natural that the seemingly triumphant fact of bin Laden’s death itself was completely overshadowed for me by reports of my nation’s collective outpourings of blind hatred. Nobody rallying at the White House or at Ground Zero personally hated bin Laden – they hated him as a symbol of the national trauma of 9/11.

And I find that disturbing, because that is what the victims of hate crimes are, isn’t it? They are merely the impersonal embodiments of an attribute that the attacker blindly hates. I’m not trying to argue that bin Laden wasn’t a dangerous and terrible person. But I do want to ask – where is the line between hatred and hate crime? When does a free speech-sanctioned opinion become violence towards another person? And most of all, is symbolic hate ever ok, even when it’s on the “good” side?

Take, for example, the case of David Parker’s son. In May of 2006, David Parker showed up at his first grader’s school in Massachusetts to object to a book depicting same-sex parents that his son brought home from school. He wanted to be warned when the lesson plan would involve gay issues, so that he could take his son out of class. When the principal refused, Parker would not leave, and eventually had to be removed by the police. The next day, his seven-year old son was beaten up on the playground – allegedly for being the child of a homophobe. There is some controversy about the attacking children’s motivations – in fact it seems probable that Parker and the anti-gay group Mass Resistance twisted a typical schoolyard fight – but let’s assume that a child was beaten up for being a symbol of homophobia, which is a form of intolerance. And isn’t intolerance one of society’s greatest evils? Don’t you, oh readers out there, hate intolerance alongside me?

But is it ever ok to attack someone for their views? Or to attack someone for the views of another person or a group they could be associated with? In what alternate reality would it be ok for us to go around kicking the crap out of the kids of homophobes – or even homophobic kids? I sit here, self-satisfied with my social liberalism and angry at the injustices rampant in the world, and I hate the people that enact hate crimes. I spent a whole day blindly hating Egyptian men as a group for what happened to Lara Logan, and I’m pretty sure it would not have been ok for me to go out and castrate the first seemingly Egyptian man I saw.

What happened on 9/11 was horrible. What happened to Lara Logan was horrible. What happens as a result of anti-gay activism is horrible. But does that horror mean it is acceptable to lash out against the people associated with causing it?

This is one of the many questions that Bootycandy forces us to address, and I find it haunting. There are very few examples of the victims of discrimination responding militantly, and I wonder why. Sometimes I even think that it might be a good idea to give violent intolerance a taste of its own medicine, but then I wonder – who would be the symbol that I’d choose?

~ Maura Krause, Literary Assistant

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Crazy Things My Mother Told Me

Hey Mammoths, Mother’s Day is on Sunday, so if you’ve forgotten to make the trip over to Hallmark you better go send her an ecard! Also just sayin’ Woolly subscriptions make GREAT gifts for Mom- click here for more information.

Mothers go above and beyond to make sure their children are safe and happy. When I was a kid I used to have this little pink doll called Dolly (ok well I still have her). I had to sleep with her every night as many children do with “blankies” or similar objects and toys. We travel down to Florida a few times every year to visit my grandparents, so my mom bought me the same doll to have as a Florida Dolly, so we wouldn’t have to worry about losing my New Jersey Dolly and the impending disaster that would occur if I had to sleep without her.

I also remember when my brother went away to sleep away camp for the first time to spend eight weeks away from home and our parents. He told my mom that he was nervous he was going to miss her too much, so my mom used to tell him, “When you’re going to bed at night, look up at the moon, and when I’m at home I’ll be looking up at the same moon and we’ll think of each other.”

While moments like these are great, sometimes our mothers give us crazy advice, and say strange things. In Bootycandy, we find out that the main character Sutter’s mother calls his penis a “bootycandy,” as well as numerous funny interactions that you’ll have to wait to find out about until you come see the show!

Often times it seems this advice stems around dating. A popular blog that I read called Fifty First JDates laments this idea, that if you’re not dating anyone parents immediately try to set you up with every living creature from the opposite sex, or ask you if you are gay. I know on previously mentioned family trips in Florida, whenever my mother and grandmother see a male walk onto the beach, whether he looks 18 or 48 they nudge me to see if I’m paying attention.

I asked Woolly staffers and friends to share some of their crazy mother stories in the spirit of Bootycandy. Continue reading to hear tales of all the meshuggenah things that mothers say!

“It was summer and I was miserably ill with a head-cold. My mother was frustrated because I had been assigned the chore of mowing the lawn earlier in the week, and it was mid-day Sunday and I had not done it. I was lying on the couch, congested and achy, and she confronted me, inquiring why I had not mowed the lawn. I felt like crap, I was sick I informed her. ‘Mow the lawn, you’ll feel better!’ she declared and stormed out of the room. This phrase has become infamous in my family and is one of our most frequently repeated quotes.”
~ Rachel Grossman, Connectivity Director

“When I was a kid, if I asked my mom where my little sister was when she wasn’t in the car, she would tell me she sold her to gypsies.”
“My mom used to tell me when I was being annoying that she hoped one day I would have twin girls exactly like me. The prospect of this made me cry.”
“My mom calls me a ho. I tell her she isn’t allowed to watch television anymore.”
~ Katie Boyles, Marketing & Communications Assistant

“A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.”
~Maura Krause, Literary Assistant

“My mother always said my oldest brother was ‘special’ child, the middle was ‘perfect’ child and I was ‘good’ child. . .until I spread my legs.”
“Her mother told her that if she has sex before marriage, her arms would turn purple and fall off.”
~Taryn Staples, Production Manager

“When your man pisses you off, tell him to go stick his head in a hole in the ground somewhere and go to hell.”
~ Anonymous

“My mom told me that holding hands is more important than kissing.”
“She told me if I pushed my nose up it will get smaller.”
“My mom told me to play the game with boys, especially by batting my eyelashes—that will be sexy.”
~ Ameneh Bordi, Woolly friend

Happy Mother’s Day everyone!

~ Brooke Miller, Press and Digital Content Manager

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